Ellie S. Grossman
In Honor of National Authors Day, Let’s Salute Sh*tty Mom
While some women hoard shoes, I collect more parenting books than I can read in a lifetime. Something tells me I need a new fetish. The top drawer of my nightstand is packed with “Stop Struggling With Your Child,†“Raising a Thinking Child,†“Surrendering to Motherhood,†and “Why Do They Act That Way?†The bottom drawer is stuffed with the entire series of “What to Expect When You’re Expecting†(even though my kids are now teenagers) and the “50 Shades†trilogy. As soon as “What To Expect The Empty Nest Years†comes out, I’ll buy that too.
In my office, the bookshelves are crammed with everything from “The Jewish Parents Almanac†and “Chicken Soup for the Father & Daughter Soul†to “13 Is the New 18†and “Are You My Mother?†I’m a sucker for Dr. Seuss rhymes.
I always stash books in my car to keep me company in carpool line, such as “Brain Dead in the Burbs,†(the recipes are divine), “Meet Me at Emotional Baggage Claim,†and, of course, a box full of my own “Mishegas of Motherhood†in case I meet a literary agent at the coffee shop or the owner of the dry cleaner wants to buy one.
Recently, however, no other book has inspired me more than “Sh*tty Mom. The Parenting Guide for the Rest of Us.â€
Don’t let the title fool you. This manual on imperfect parenting hit the coveted New York Times Best Seller List. The fulltime working mom authors are a cast of characters: Laurie Kilmartin is a stand-up comedian and Emmy-nominated writer for Conan O’Brien. Karen Moline is a journalist and bestselling novelist. Alicia Ybarbo and Mary Ann Zoellner are both Emmy award–winning producers for the Today Show, and they will appear November 14 at the upcoming St. Louis Jewish Book Festival for an unforgettable Mom’s Night Out. (See below for details).
This hilarious book is a must read for every mom. In a nutshell, the 176 pages covers shortcuts on “parenting with 40 percent effort and doing a half-assed job, but doing it well enough so that no one but you notices.†In fact, I would go so far to say that “Sh*tty Mom†ranks right up there with the mother of all parenting books, “The Blessing of a Skinned Knee.†That’s because the powerful message is the same: Sure we love our kids more than anything, but that doesn’t mean we have to like them all the time. Most importantly, good enough parenting is actually better for our children than “helicopter†or the newest stigma “lawn mower†parenting, which experts tell us has resulted in a self-entitled, narcissistic generation who can’t deal with boredom, failure, or diversity, not to mention knows how to use a washing machine, boil an egg, plunge a toilet, or look for a job without mom or dad editing the resume.
I only wish this tongue-and-cheek resource was written when my first child was born 17 years ago. It would have saved me a lot of angst. If I only knew then what I know now about the “Ten-Second Rule: Pacifier on the Ground,†“How to Sleep Until 9 a.m. Every Weekend,†and “How To Not Hear the Baby in the Middle of the Night.â€
I finally realize that I should have been a sh*ttier mom.
For example:
- I carried an apple peeler and corer in my diaper bag when I took my kids to the park so that they could munch on a nutritious snack instead of  Vanilla Wafers.
- I sanitized their toys with rubbing alcohol after play dates.
- I lived for sporting events on weekends (Chapter 12) and considered eating sunflower seeds on the bleachers the same thing as date night with my husband.
- I used to lock myself in the bathroom to conduct phone interviews for story assignments so that I could get a little privacy, while my toddler had full reign of the house.
- I allowed my kids to control the radio station in the car before they used ear buds to listen to their music and tune me out.
- I’m a “Nom,†or “non-Mom,†who makes other moms feel like I love my dog more than they love their children, unintentionally, of course. (Chapter 30). I have more professional portraits of my apricot toy poodle Luci than I do my own kids. My pet is my screen saver on my computer and, more often than not, my facebook profile picture. My dog sleeps in my bed, while my children, well, not so much. (Hey, maybe I am a sh*tty mom, after all!).
“Sh*tty Mom is all about celebrating those less than perfect parenting moments,†says Alicia Ybarbo, who is Catholic and lives in New York with her “nice Jewish boy†husband. She has been on a whirlwind book tour and fortunately has a great hubbie and babysitter to hold down the fort.
“Jewish moms and Catholic moms have one thing in common—lots of guilt!  And regardless of the religion you had growing up or the religion you practice now, the one common denominator between all of us moms is humor.â€
Indeed this book is filled with sarcastic humor, and no topic is off limits, such as “He Wants Sex, You Want to Sew Your Legs Shut for Ten Years†(Chapter 42) and “How To React If You Think Your Child Might Be Gay (Hint: Celebrate).†(Chapter 5)
“We just think a lot of moms feel guilty that they work and don’t spend every single moment with their kid. Moms tweet us asking if it’s bad that she has her child clip coupons while she’s in a time out… That to us is the ultimate in multitasking. Another mom tweeted that if box tops came on wine labels our schools would be rich! We can’t get enough of these stories, thoughts and antidotes,†says Ybarbo.
“We think our book has struck a chord with all those moms out there who might secretly fantasize about doing more with their kids or being “better†moms but they don’t have the time or the energy. Our books is helping moms laugh and release some of their mom guilt,†says Ybarbo.
And we all know Jewish guilt is the worst.
Are you a Sh*tty Mom? Tweet the authors and tell the world all about it!
Join Me at Mom’s Night Out
With  Alicia Ybarbo & Mary Ann Zoellner
Authors of Sh*tty Moms: The Parenting Guide for the Rest of Us
When: Wednesday, November 14
Time: 7:30 p.m.
Where: Jewish Community Center, Staenberg Family Complex
What: Refreshments, prizes, surprises, laughter
How Much: $18. Free with Series and Series PLUS tickets.
Why: Why Not?
I’m a Belieber.
Justin Bieber Concert Tickets:Â $100
Believe Tour T-shirt:Â $35
Parking:Â $15
Purple Nail Polish:Â $2
Car window paint markers: $6
My 13-year-old daughter grabbing my finger so that we don’t lose each other in a crowd of thousands of screaming fans: PRICELESS.
There are some things money can’t buy.
My Favorite Funny Mom Books
An abbreviated version of this blog is posted on www.SkinnyScoop.com.Â
I usually avoid anything that has the word “skinny†in it, but when I had an opportunity with SkinnyScoop.com to list my favorite funny parenting books by Jewish moms, I couldn’t resist.
These books all have to do with the oys and joys of raising children. They are collections of real-life, humorous essays that are quick to read and the perfect companion in carpool line. It doesn’t matter what religion you are because we all want the same thing, and that is for our children to grow up and be happy, independent adults who contribute to the betterment of society and don’t necessarily wind up in therapy and blame their mothers for all their problems.
Let’s put it this way: When it comes to divulging our innermost feelings about motherhood, we’re all open books.
Mishegas of Motherhood. Raising Children To Leave The Nest…As Long As They Come Home For Dinner
Ellie S. Grossman
And since this is my list, it woud be remiss NOT to start with my very own book called Mishegas of Motherhood. Raising Children to Leave the Nest…as Long as They Come Home for Dinner, which combines domestic satire with Jewish wisdom that applies to all modern families. I’ve been called the “Jewish Erma Bombeck,†which is like the ultimate compliment because this late, great humor writer could make anything sound funny, even leftover meatloaf. My momoir is nominated for the Shirley You Jest best humor book award, so I’m not the only one who thinks its’ funny.
The word “mishegas,†by the way, is a Yiddish expression that means “insanity†or “madness,†but is used in a playful way to describe how children drive their parents crazy (and vice versa, of course). Favorite chapters include “Answering The Big Question: Is There A God?â€, “Everything I Need To Know I Learned From My Dog,†“Chocolate Makes Everyday Sweeter,†“Planning A Dream Bar Mitzvah Is A Nightmare,†“Teen Brain Baffles Parents,†and the award-winning “Jewish Girls Don’t Camp,†which inspired a webisode on the Internet-based sitcom “In The Motherhood,†starring Leah Remini.
The book also contains east-to-understand explanations of Jewish holidays, rituals, traditions, as well as recipes and anecdotes that are guaranteed to tickle your soul—or your money back!
Brain Dead in the Burbs and Cooking Your Way Back to Sanity
Laura Roodman-Edwards-Ray
When it comes to mishegas, this book is full of it. Brain Dead in the Burbs and Cooking Your Way Back to Sanity†will make your crazy life seem sane. Warning: You’ll laugh; You’ll cook. You’ll cry. Laura Roodman-Edwards-Roodman-Edwards-Ray (not a typo, she married and divorced the same jerk not once but twice and is now happily married to love of her life) gives you the dish on not only her dysfunctional relationships but also her insanely delicious recipes that correspond with each chapter. By the time you get to Chapter 6 (“How To Divorce A Friend” with recipe on Grandma Betty’s Health Bar Cake), you’ll be her BFF, not to mention 10 pounds heavier. This irresistible memoir is both hilarious and fattening with mouthwatering recipes that include Helga’s Orgasmic Brownies, Grandma Joanie’s Beefy Meatballs, Aunt Gail’s Famous Brisket, Kimmie’s Creamy Cheese Ball, Sven’s Crabcakes, and that’s just an appetizer. Just like her chocolate martinis, this book is irresistible, and I can’t wait to take a bite out of Laura’s next installment “Still Brain Dead and Cooking.â€
Confessions of a Scary Mommy
Jill Smokler
It seems like these days so many stay-at-home moms have nothing better to do with their time than chronicle their parenting sagas online, but “Scary Mommy†blogger Jill Smokler took her ramblings one giant leap further. She published her first compilation of hysterical child-rearing moments in Confessions of A Scary Mommy, which hit the The New York Times bestseller’s list its first week out. She also manages an award-winning website that averages more than two million page views a month and features The Scary Mommy Confessional , which offers a private and totally anonymous forum for moms and dads to spill their juicy secrets, their fears, their triumphs. It’s like therapy, only free.
Her website also offers plenty of Scary Mommy merchandise, including everything from coffee mugs and key chains to iphone cases and bumper stickers. Talk about branding. This nice Jewish girl even sells Christmas tree ornaments.
So what if this Baltimore mom is no balaboosta (a Yiddish term that means the perfect housewife, homemaker, wonderful mother, cook, and gracious hostess, etc). That’s exactly what makes Smokler so successful and her book a must read, even if she uses the F-bomb way too often.
Plus, in her spare time, this curly haired entrepreneur started Scary Mommy Nation, a non-profit entity that helps members of the Scary Mommy Community who are financially struggling, whether its kicking in money for a Thanksgiving feast, birthday presents for their kids, or summer camp.
Who has time to make a homemade meal every night when she’s too busy working on her next project, The Scary Mommy Handbook, which is due out in April 2013.
Besides, I doubt if her kids mind eating pizza for dinner.
Rebel Without A Minivan
Tracy Beckerman
Since when does a dog eating garbage out of the trash can and throwing up on the rug inspire the creative process? Since clever wit Tracy Beckerman wrote Rebel Without a Minivan, a collection of musings from a New York City girl who trades her subway pass for a more practical vehicle and everything else that goes along with a crazy normal life in the woodchuck-infested yards of suburban New Jersey. A former successful TV producer and stand-up comic, Beckerman shares the best of her nationally syndicated humor column, LOST IN SUBURBIA®, which includes funny observations about marriage, motherhood, the mall, McDonalds French fries, mildew, and, of course, a mutt named Riley.
The chapters are short and spikey, just like Beckerman’s signature hairdo (she’s a rebel alright), and in “Who Are These Children, and Why Are They Calling Me Mommy?†she writes about topics that all moms can relate to, including sleep deprivation, bad attitudes, her daughter’s favorite “blankie,†the S-E-X talk, geometry homework, and reality shows.
Her next book is due out Spring 2013. Can’t wait!
Hot Mamalah Â
Lisa Alcalay Klug
Let me start by saying that Lisa Alcalay Klug is not a mom, but this author combines funny and Jewish better than any woman in the tribe, so I included her in my list. Besides, her book is called Hot Mamalah, which is a Yiddish word of endearment for all Jewish women, and God only knows us moms can use a little spice in our love lives. This book celebrates our strengths, challenges, and triumphs, from PMS to menopausal.
In her “ABC’s of She,†she dishes up a delicious smorgasbord of everything whole-y and holy feminine for having fun and having chutzpah, with humor essays, adorable illustrations, how-to’s, and more. From cocktails to cupcakes, Purim costumes to bar aliases, Hot Mamalah whets an appetite for getting the most out of life, love, and your closet.
As the follow up to her first pop culture phenomenon Cool Jew, which was a number one Amazon bestseller and National Jewish Book Award finalist, Hot Mamalah gives fans what they’ve come to expect from this award-winning journalist, popular public speaker, and daughter of an Ashkenazi Holocaust survivor.
It’s hard to resist this latest mensch of a book with a cover that states, “You don’t have to be Jewish! But it wouldn’t hurt.â€
My favorite quote about the Jewish mother: As long as you keep laughing, you wont get an ulcer. Just a hernia.
Enter the Hot Mamalog giveaway, featuring jewelry, CD, cookware, and a gift certificate.
Best Friends, Occasional Enemies
Lisa Scottoline and Francesca Serritella
So here’s another read that doesn’t exactly fit into my Jewish mom book category, but New York Times bestselling author Lisa Scottoline (pronounced Scot-oh-lee-nee) is one of my favorite writers and she grew up in a Jewish neighborhood. And she has dogs. That should count for something. Growing up, she says her friends would get Hanukkah “geltâ€, and she thought it was Hanukkah “guiltâ€, so I liked her already. Not only that, she and her only daughter Francesca Serritella collaborated on a fabulously funny and heartwarming book, Best Friends, Occasional Enemies, which is a must-read for every mother and daughter.
Joined at the hip, the twosome share genes and jeans, if you know what I mean.  They’re number one on each other’s speed dial and they tell each other everything—well, almost everything. They share shoes and clothes—except one very special green jacket, which almost caused a cat fight. Inspired by their weekly column, “Chick Wit†for The Philadelphia Inquirer, this book is one you’ll have to put down—just to stop laughing.
Best known for her legal thrillers, Scottoline is sometimes called the female John Grisham because she is one of those successful big-time litigators turned best-selling novelists. She has 18 fiction and two non-fiction titles in her portfolio, averaging a book a year!
In the Introduction of Best Friends, Occasional Enemies Scottoline, a divorced mom, starts out, “Here’s what I’ve learned in my life: Motherhood has no expiration date.
This means that even though Daughter Francesca has grown up and moved out of the house, I’m still busy being her mother. 
And, happily, her best friend…â€
She writes about her own Mother Mary, who is 86-years-old old, and is still busy being her mother with an inner voice that warns her not to buy dented cans, not to leave her blow dryer near the sink, and not to put too much spaghetti on her fork or she’ll choke.
This book includes their hilarious and often quite touching takes on the joys and occasional frustrations of the mother-daughter bond, including sharing secrets, counting carbs, and aging gracefully, not.
Best of all, you’ll recognize yourself in their stories because we all struggle with the same things, like duvet covers, the preemptive pee, and toenail clippings.
Follow her video documentary on her puppies!
Got any favorite mom books to add to the list?
Thoughts on Final Presidential Debate
I’m not sure which is worse, watching San Francisco beat the St Louis Cardinals 9-0 in Game 7 in the midst of a torrential downpour or listening to the final presidential debate when Mitt Romney attacked Barack Obama about a weak military that is smaller now “than at any time since 1917.â€
Even though I got a kick out of the commander-in-chief’s rebuttal—“Governor, we also have fewer horses and bayonetsâ€â€”I still found the whole thing depressing. By the time moderator Bob Schieffer flubbed up “Obama bin Laden†my spirit of democracy sank to an all time low.
I knew I should have watched Dancing with the Stars instead.
Honestly, I don’t know what to believe any more, especially when Romney’s sweaty upper lip reminded me of Richard Nixon during the Watergate scandal. And why were the candidates overusing the word “tumult,†which derives from the Yiddish word “tumel?†Maybe they were trying to appeal to the Jewish voter. To me, the most quotable line of the night  was “Go Vote Now. It’ll make you feel big and strong.” That came from came from Schieffer’s mom, may her memory be a blessing.
Even though the debate’s focus last night was supposed to be about international affairs, I worry that the finger pointing in regard to foreign policy makes our country appear weak in the eyes of our enemies. When it comes to controversial issues about the U.S. interests in the Middle East, I’m more nervous about nuclear weapons and Israel’s security than I am Obamacare.
All I can say is that I wish Ranier Muuss was old enough to run for president, but this little redheaded political expert is only six years old. In his regular appearances as an election correspondent on the Ellen DeGeneres show, he told the audience when he runs for office in 2040, his platform will be, “I’m not Republican. I’m not Democrat. I’m American.â€
We Are What We Eat
I usually don’t answer chain letters, but I couldn’t pass up the opportunity to share this one with my readers. Not sure of the source of this message, but it’s food for thought.
It’s been said that God first separated the salt water from the fresh. He made dry land, planted a garden, made animals and fish…. All before making a human.
God made and provided what we needed before we were born. He intended Mother Nature to be a pharmacy and left us clues as to what foods benefit our bodies, especially when eaten raw and natural.
For example:
A sliced Carrot looks like the human eye. The pupil, iris and radiating lines look just like the human eye. And YES, science now shows carrots greatly enhance blood flow to and function of the eyes.
A tomato has four chambers and is red. The heart has four chambers and is red. All of the research shows tomatoes are loaded with lycopine and are indeed pure heart and blood food.
Grapes hang in a cluster that has the shape of the heart. Each grape looks like a blood cell and all of the research today shows grapes are also profound heart and blood vitalizing food.
A walnut looks like a little brain, a left and right hemisphere, upper cerebrums and lower cerebellums. Even the wrinkles or folds on the nut are just like the neo-cortex. We now know walnuts help develop more than three dozen neuron-transmitters for brain function.
Kidney beans actually heal and help maintain kidney function and yes, they look exactly like the human kidneys.
Celery, Bok Choy, Rhubarb and many more look just like bones. These foods specifically target bone strength. Bones are 23% sodium and these foods are 23% sodium. If you don’t have enough sodium in your diet, the body pulls it from the bones, thus making them weak. These foods replenish the skeletal needs of the body.
Avocadoes, eggplant and pears target the health and function of the womb and cervix of the female – they look just like these organs. Today’s research shows that when a woman eats one avocado a week, it balances hormones, sheds unwanted birth weight, and prevents cervical cancers. And how profound is this? It takes exactly nine months to grow an avocado from blossom to ripened fruit. There are more than 14,000 photolytic chemical constituents of nutrition in each one of these foods (modern science has only studied and named about 141 of them).
Figs are full of seeds and hang in twos when they grow. Figs increase the mobility of male sperm and increase the numbers of sperm as well to overcome male sterility.
Sweet potatoes look like the pancreas and actually balance the glycemic index of diabetics.
Olives assist the health and function of the ovaries.
Oranges, grapefruits, and other citrus fruits look just like the mammary glands of the female and actually assist the health of the breasts and the movement of lymph in and out of the breasts.
Onions look like the body’s cells. Today’s research shows onions help clear waste materials from all of the body cells. They even produce tears, which wash the epithelial layers of the eyes. A working companion, garlic, also helps eliminate waste materials and dangerous free radicals from the body.
Share this post, and keep the chain going…or at least eat more fruits and vegetables.
Candidates Try To Win Over Soccer Moms
I’m all for freedom of speech, but when did it become okay for a CNN panelist to call our commander in chief a “wimp†and the Republican presidential candidate a “douche?â€
Call me old-fashioned, but I think our democracy deserves more respect, even if I don’t believe every word Obama and Romney are saying and fact checks are now considered standard procedure. Continue reading
Fun Things To Do In “The Lou” (With Teenagers)
Let’s make one thing clear: Teenagers don’t like to hang out with their parents in public places, especially if there’s any risk of them running into their friends. However, when you bribe hormonal and hungry adolescents with food, you have a better chance of turning a family outing into something memorable. My hometown St. Louis, also known as “The Lou,†is a great place to raise a family and visit because this metropolitan city/small town offers so many free concerts, festivals, museums, and cultural events that are far more entertaining than hanging out at the mall or playing video games in the basement. Again, it’s all about your kids and what’s in it for them, and that means the more food and less togetherness in the car the better. Thankfully, in St. Louis, you can get anywhere in 15 to 20 minutes.
If your kid is a baseball fan or likes nachos drenched in melted processed cheese with jalapenos, there’s no better place to be than Busch Stadium, home of the St. Louis Cardinals, 2011 World Series champions, thank you very much. This beautiful ballpark also has a full bar and serves sangria, I’m just sayin’.
In 2011, the Cardinals drew three million fans, with 27 sellout games – ranking seventh in MLB in attendance. With the Cards in the playoffs again this year, there’s a good chance you’ll run into a party anywhere you go. If your family is really into baseball, check out the St. Louis Cardinals Hall of Fame Museum, which is the largest team-held collection in Major League Baseball and is second only to the National Baseball Hall of Fame in terms of size with more than 16,000 memorabilia items and 80,000 archival photographs. You can even take a tour of Busch Stadium  and maybe run into our friendly-feathered mascot Fredbird.
Afterwards, treat everyone to Ted Drewes Frozen Custard, a St. Louis favorite since 1931. You’ll probably have to wait in line in the parking lot, but it goes fast, and trust me, the rich and creamy frozen stuff is worth it. The custard is so thick, in fact, they serve it upside down, which is part of the shtick. Just don’t try that trick with the Cardinal Sin, a concrete or sundae smothered in tart cherries and hot fudge, especially on a hot summer day.
If you’re looking for an activity so that you can work up an appetite to eat again, head over to Forest Park,  which is located in the heart of St. Louis and covers 1,371 acres—that’s bigger than New York’s Central Park. I pinkie swear, unless your kids have an attitude that day, which is not uncommon for adolescents, they won’t be bored here.
Home of the 1904 World’s Fair, Forest Park has something for everyone and a variety of attractions, including the St. Louis Zoo, the Saint Louis Art Museum, the Missouri History Museum, the St. Louis Science Center, and The Muny, which is America’s oldest and largest outdoor musical theatre. And if that’s too cultural, your family can ride bikes, rent a paddleboat, play tennis, ice skate outside in the winter, and, of course, eat a lot of great food. I recommend the Boathouse, a casual restaurant located on a picturesque lake. In the summer, you can enjoy patio dining and live music, and in colder weather, snuggle inside by the large stone wood burning fireplace and sip hot chocolate.
In the winter, kids like to sled down Art Hill, which is in front of the art museum.
Another fun destination is downtown City Museum, which really isn’t a museum but a 600,000 square-foot playhouse located in the former International Shoe Company and features an eclectic mixture of a children’s playground, funhouse, surrealistic pavilion, and architectural marvel made out of unique, found objects. The brainchild of internationally acclaimed artist Bob Cassilly, a classically trained sculptor and serial entrepreneur, the museum opened for visitors of all ages in 1997. Caution: wear kneepads if you want to crawl after your kids in the tunnels, mazes, and pipes.
Not to worry, City Museum offers plenty of concessions to satisfy your hungry explorers, including freshly made sandwiches on handcrafted bread, fruit smoothies, brick oven pizza, barbecue ribs, and warm, gooey chocolate chip cookies right out of the oven. Parents, wash it all down with an espresso or cocktail.
And one more neighborhood hotspot sure to please is The Loop in University City, named “One of the 10 great streets in America†by the American Planning Association. In addition to the St. Louis Walk of Fame, The Loop offers lots of vintage clothing stores, ethnic restaurants, and a record store called Vintage Vinyl that has the largest inventory of vinyl and CDs with every type of music genre. The best burger in town is down the street at Blueberry Hill, a nationally renowned restaurant and music club filled with pop culture memorabilia where the great Chuck Berry plays the last Wednesday night of every month. You can play pool and shuffle board here, too. Over at Fitz’s Root Beer, you can eat dessert and watch how the workers brew and bottle all the frothy beverages. Afterwards, catch a flick at the restored Tivoli Movie Theatre, which offers patrons the chance to view contemporary independent films in a historic cinema house. And if you like to bowl, don’t miss the Pin-Up Bowl, a nostalgic bowling alley and martini lounge; kids are welcome here before 6 p.m. A full kitchen serves up an assortment of tasty foods, with everything from Campbell’s soups to freshly baked pizzas and even Pop-Tarts.
Finally, Demolition Ball, in St. Charles Countyl, is a favorite hangout with teens—no wonder so many bar/bat mitzvah parties are here. This crazy sport involves supercharged bumper cars with two five-player teams who shoot a whiffle ball through a 16-inch circular goal using a track ball scoop. I can’t figure out why grownups like this game so much, especially when whiplash is the prize. That’s why I recommend using a heating pad, while your kids run around Adrenaline Zone, a multi-level laser tag arena, located in the same building. Better yet, pop a couple ibuprofen while sipping on a strawberry daiquiri. You’re gonna need it; this place is loud and wild.
So, there’s plenty to do in “The Lou†with your teenagers. Just keep feeding them.
The ABCs of ACTs
This blog was actually posted last year in www.jewishinstlouis.org, but didn’t get in my website, so it’s worth repeating, even though my son is now a senior and the ACT is OVER!
In an effort to help my son achieve academic success (get into a decent college), I’ve decided to do my part without being overly involved. I know, it’s a tightrope act moms try to balance everyday with teenagers. As a parent of a high school junior, I feel overwhelmed just thinking about the near future. Somehow, Jack has to maintain a high GPA, stay involved in his activities, get a job, study for the PSAT, SAT, and ACT, schedule campus tours, fill out school applications, and, most importantly, learn how to operate a washing machine so that when he leaves home next year he doesn’t have to wear the same smelly t-shirt everyday and offend his roommate and accounting professor.
Continue reading
College Prep Triggers Emotions For Mom
On January 10, 2007, I wrote a newspaper column that described how I freaked out when it was a year away from my son Jack’s bar mitzvah. A series of articles followed that described all the emotions that I experienced during this sacred rite of passage into adulthood.
- Will he learn his Torah portion?
- Will he feel closer to God?
- How do we fit Hebrew school into an already crazy hectic schedule?
- Who will be invited to his party?
- Should I splurge on lox at the kiddish luncheon even though he doesn’t eat anything but plain bagels?
- Will I find outfits for the entire family that coordinate with his necktie?
- Will I be able to get through my speech in front of a congregation without weeping uncontrollably because my heart is bursting with pride?
- Will I ever be able to walk again because my new high heels are too tight and my feet are killing me?
- Will he finish his thank you notes by the time he gets his driver’s license?
That was five years ago, and now I feel that same panic again. Only this time I’m emotional because my first child is applying for colleges and he will be leaving home in, gulp, about seven months.
Presidential Faceoff Is Debatable
At my house, watching a presidential debate ranks right up there with the season finale of American Idol. Before the show got started, I made myself a little snack, homemade guac and ginger ale, and I settled on the couch with my laptop so that I could take notes and follow tweets of celebs like Anderson Cooper and comedian Sandra Bernhard. Even though my daughter was yelling at me from upstairs to blow dry her hair for school tomorrow, I was too mesmerized by the lines on the bottom of my television screen that looked like the EKG of a deceased person. It was actually a play-by-play interpretation of the viewer’s reaction to the speeches. I should have known this debate would fall flat.
Let’s face it, sometimes the anticipation of a big event is greater than the moment itself, and tonight’s political face off was one of those letdowns. I mean, the build up reminded me of a red carpet pre show on E!, and I was even expecting Ryan Seacrest to interview Ann Romney and the first lady backstage.
By the way, I loved their advice to their husbands before the candidates took the stage.
Ann: “Trust your own gut.â€
Michelle: “Have fun, relax, and be yourself.â€
Sure, easy for them to say.
Anyway, the debate started off interestingly enough when the president wished his “sweetie†a happy twentieth wedding anniversary and told her, “One year from now we won’t be celebrating with 20 million people watching.†Even Mitt Romney felt obligated to extend congratulations to his opponent.
After those niceties, I thought I would witness a real showdown, but neither candidate hardly made eye contact and both smirked at each other’s comments. Surprisingly, the Republican nominee blew away many viewers with his obvious preparedness and specifics about an economic recovery plan that included a $5 trillion tax cut. Personally, I thought he came across rude and disrespectful to nice guy moderator Jim Lehrer, a seasoned journalist who has hosted this gig for 12 years. Meanwhile, President Obama looked half asleep with his eyes closed (he was actually looking down while writing notes to himself, I hope) and didn’t bring much new to the table even though his educational incentives that include the “Race to the Top†program always impresses.  One thing that kept me busy was when I tried to count how many times the candidates blinked their eyes per minute because a study shows that excessive blinking is a sign of nervousness and usually indicates who loses the election.
Finally, I was expecting some real zingers, quotable one-liners that usually highlight these 90-minute showdowns other than Romney’s rant about how he “loves Big Bird.â€
What were your memorable moments of the debate?
