Winning Mishegas Column Debuts in Hollywood ‘Webisode’
As the expiration date on the gallon milk jug gets closer to the day of Jack’s bar mitzvah, the reality of this major lifecycle event hits me like a ton of bricks. I’m not old enough to have a teenage son, especially one dressed in a designer suit, silk tie, and a mezuzah necklace. As Jack polishes his prayers everyday, I frantically run in circles and make changes to the guest list, menu, party favors, music, programs, decorations, entertainment, speeches, biographical slide show, and, of course, my outfits. Every chance I get, I rearrange the seating chart like I’m playing musical chairs.
Obviously, I’m in bar mitzvah mode full force right now. Nothing can distract me from my list of things to do. Not even the flu. Then suddenly, without any warning, my party planning comes to a screeching halt. That’s when I find out that I’m going to Hollywood, California, for the trip of a lifetime. Continue reading
‘Safe Surf’ Increases Awareness of Internet Dangers
“Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.â€
In the good old days, this well-known childhood saying was usually a good enough defense against the meanest bully at recess, then again, so was “nah, nah ,nah, boo, boo†and sticking out your tongue and wiggling your fingers in the air before running for cover.
In today’s modern computer era where kids spend more time on the Internet than they do on the school playground, words actually can hurt worse than sticks and stones. In some cases, words even can kill. Continue reading
Text Messaging: Teen’s Foreign Language Baffles Parents
Kids seem to speak their own language. They always have; they always will. After all, young people sort of share the same tongue, and some of them pierce their tongues as well, but that’s another fad.
Sari calls her girlfriend at school “BFFâ€, (Best Friends Forever), and Jack constantly tells me, “TMIâ€, (Too Much Information), whenever I have to explain any kind of bodily function. Even the overused, full-of-attitude word, Whatever, is shortened to just “WE.â€
The latest style of “QSO†(Conversation) seems innocent enough, but these abbreviations are actually derived from an even more bizarre communication called text messaging. This text-based lingo twists the alphabet into secret codes that encourage “KPC,†(Keeping Parents Clueless) and causes lots of “CSG,†(Chuckle, Snicker, Grin) toward anyone who doesn’t get it. Continue reading
Shedding Pounds Weighs Heavy on To-Do List
Every night before I fall asleep clutching my body pillow, I make a list in my head of things to do for the next day. I don’t recommend this bedtime ritual for insomniacs, by the way. My random thoughts might include: Go to the bank/grocery store; drop off Luci at the groomer; write a story that makes half sense; meet girlfriends for lunch; attend variety show rehearsal; find Jack ride to basketball practice; take Sari to Hebrew school; help with school science fair; make doctor’s appointment; clean the basement; buy new indoor soccer shoes; revise menu with caterer; save the environment; and, oh yeah, lose weight for the upcoming bar mitzvah. Continue reading
Mom’s Bar Mitzvah Speech Stirs Emotions
I’m working on my speech for Jack’s upcoming bar mitzvah, and it’s harder to write than I thought. I mean, how can I adequately put down into words my uttermost feelings of pride and joy for my first born, who has now reached a new status within Judaism. It seems like only yesterday when my son was eating soggy Cheerios with his fingers. Wait a minute…that was yesterday. Continue reading
Judaism Recognizes Angels Watching Over Us
Excuse me while I digress for a moment. Is anyone else startled that the names Osama and Obama rhyme so obviously? What’s with the 70-degree weather in January? What am I supposed to do with all the leftover red satin yamulkes after my son’s bar mitzvah?
Thanks for letting me vent. Now I feel better. Continue reading
Tu B’Shevat Celebrates Fruitful New Year
Following the jam-packed, festive December holidays, the dreary months of January and February are a let down for some people. I don’t understand those sourpusses. I actually look forward to packing away the dreidels, menorahs, snowman decorations, and lighted garlands that collect dust on my fireplace mantle for a month straight.
Besides, there’s no such thing as down time for Jews. We have something to celebrate all year round. Continue reading
Bnei Mitzvah Students Thrive on Jewish Connection
Like I was saying…At no greater time in a child’s life is a Jewish connection more important than adolescence. So why are so many teens tempted to abandon the tribe after they’ve worked so hard on their bnei mitzvahs? I mean, if I remember correctly, the teenage years are tough enough without having a peer group to identify with. Yet for some reason, after the thank-you notes are written and the gift cards are spent, many young Jewish adults blend back into the melting pot of society and lose their Jewish selves. Continue reading
Baseball Bar Mitzvah Plans Go Into Left Field
Tell me if I’ve gone too far. And I want you to be brutally honest. I’m considering inviting Fredbird to Jack’s bar mitzvah in March. I’m not talking about Uncle Fred “Fredbird†who lives in New Jersey and has a nose the shape of a hawk’s beak. I mean Fredbird—everyone’s favorite official Cardinals mascot, who actually fits perfectly into the baseball theme of the bar mitzvah party.
Continue reading
Sharing Leftover Toys and Food Brighten Holidays
I knew Hanukkah was finally over when Jack flipped through the Farmer’s Almanac that I gave him on day eight and searched for crisp dollar bills in between the pages of astronomical data. When Sari opened a box with a purple hoodie inside, I could tell by the disappointed look on her face that she rather would have a Limited Too gift card and pick out her own wardrobe. Even though I got a “thanks mom,†I didn’t feel the love. Where’s the true appreciation? I was disappointed by their selfish attitudes. Next year they’re getting a navel orange in their tennis shoe like their Christian friends wake up to on St. Nick’s Day. Continue reading